Guest Post: An overdue rant on rats by a dude who has some shit to say   Leave a comment

(I’m way overdue to post this, also.)

An Overdue Rant on Rats by a Dude who has some Shit to Say – by Mark Wolfe

Ya know, I may have had some misogynistic behavior in my past, but it never once occurred to me…

not even in the secret-privacy of my own corroded mind
(where I come up with all my best bad ideas)

…did it cross my oddly shaped cranium to grab someone’s body or part thereof, without permission let alone kiss, hug, ass-grab, or otherwise grope someone who hadn’t expressed an interest in having me take such intimate measures

And then…

There are the Dick showers…

Those that show the dick without ANY invitation and not just as a dick selfie in the thralls of horny anonymity.

…but live & in person… signed 8x10s upon NO request…

I wouldn’t even do that if I was asked politely let alone in a flasher-y-fetish-y-fueled-fever.

Yet for the last couple of months, almost every single day, (and sometimes twice in a day), there comes a revelation from the interwebs & the squawk-box about some sorry-ass self-absorbed dipshit who did one or more of the above aforementioned selfishly egregious actions, much to the chagrin of said dipshit’s spouse, fans, constituents & co-workers.

Hens from the past come lookin’ for a place to rest their bony talons with a truth that is so undeniable, that it usually brings down illustrious careers (some not so illustrious) in a matter of hours.

Careers that until that fateful moment in their Emmy-winning-multi-platinum-excuse-for-coping-a-feel-or-propositioning-a-teenage-intern career… was years, if not decades in the making.

Some we like, some we never liked, some we admire and look up to, & some we always KNEW were freaky like that,

…but these indecent indictments always come with the well-deserved swiftness of a nor’easter, complete with appropriate wind-chill factors…. along with oh so brilliant bald-faced irony.

We know it when we hear it
when those secret chicks come home to roost.

You best have a fuckin’ umbrella to shield you from the inevitable chicken-shit storm that is sure to follow your chicken-shit ass.

I grew up instinctively knowing that at LEAST 3/4s of ALL the woman in my life that I ever knew, (or indeed ever would know) even if only as a classmate, coworker or neighborhood fixture, had suffered the unwanted attention of proprietarily problematic propositions, often accompanied by capricious hands…. greasy-grabby hands… that don’t even know how to grab right

…who do so much to grab so wrong.

It would not be much later in life, perhaps age 17, that I would come to the dreaded realization that more than half of those same women had suffered far, far worse.

Often so much further along the worse-path that she dares not give so much as a whisper of oxygen to verbally illustrate the horrible circumstances of that tragic personal history.

But It was with that awful statistical knowledge in mind that, much like my West Philly Street-School upbringing in the early 70s, is a lesson learned from a very early age, even before fully understanding the ramifications of that awful matriculation… Right between daily viewings of Mr. Rogers and the Highlights Magazine’s Goofus & Gallant cartoon of the month.

The women I’ve known from the worse-path that I would trade my life for don’t number in double digits. It is by extrapolation of definitively anecdotal evidence that I come by this thesis currently spewing from my laptop.

They never shared encounters within a window of time that I could possibly do anything about it.
(but please don’t assume I mean physical violence & don’t rule it out either bucko, I have a 1976 Phillies “bat-day” baseball bat that will go upside your rookie-ass-grab, dipshit, dope-addled-brain-shell that totally overcompensates for my 98-pound weakling arms attached to my 180lb, six-foot-one body).

…It became clear though, that despite the cobwebs on those confidential confessions, that the experience never left them as they continued to grow more complex cobwebs, and sprout mold on the north facing side of the worse-path.

NONE of these perpetrators of repellant passes & rape-y aggressions did anything that was logical or explainable to me.

Perhaps that is why such behavior is so alien to me?

Or perhaps I’m not a fuckin’ ass-grabbing, date-rape-with-nice-teeth, dipshit?

The difference between good behavior & bad should be taught in School starting in 1st grade, taken out of the context of any one gender or sexual identity. In fact, “sex” should never be mentioned in the same curriculum.

These valuable life lessons should be handed down from parents, relatives, teachers and responsible adults to children, youngsters, teens and young adults for as long as you have breath in your body or as long the child mooches your food from under your roof.

…So they don’t go to their first office job thinking it might be a thrill to grab a co-worker’s rear without even so much as a proper introduction or a good donut.

Back in my day when I was 5 & 6 years of age, the West Philly bullies of little Osage Avenue thought they were cool and never saw a problem with anything they did or said since there was never a responsible adult within earshot who had the balls to say or do anything. Oh, but we had plenty of teachers with selective hearing and sight loss in public school which only served to germinate a general feeling of helplessness and secrecy. No wonder many victims never report anything, it is instilled very early on that it is best to not complain or even THINK you have the right to personal space & respect, let alone justice & reciprocity.

The heinous behavior of some little Osage Ave Adults like ********** didn’t help set a positive example from the top down either. ( it was an oft-told tale that **** grew up with Bill Cosby – a tale that would never be featured on factcheck.org but was nonetheless taken as gospel all those many years ago by slack-jawed Fat Albert fans. A 70s era Saturday Morning show that all the kids in the hood never missed an episode of – plus we had all the Cosby albums in my house… kinda wishing now it was Carlin)

this is where I need to insert a caveat:

If you’re a healthy white male, the world is your oyster, but definitely not anyone else. although when I was younger I didn’t realize that being a white kid gave me a leg up because I certainly was never treated that way. It was only through observation of my Public School surroundings that it began to dawn on me much too late to overcome innate self-esteem issues, but perhaps if I had known early enough, I could have shuffled the deck a bit better. (but ass-grabbery & dick display is NOT in my DNA)

I guess the overtly belabored point I am winding my way around several prick-le bushes to get at is that we are all surrounded by scoundrels and psychopaths who lounge in the bright sunny daylight of normalcy and politically correct politeness.

Some of them are even really clever natural comedians who can make anyone laugh by just a few words.

They might even be a friend.

Why someone would even need to play with power dynamics or exhibitionism in such negative & destructive ways is a mystery to me, but …

Barring an actual shift in our irredeemable culture for the better…

They should all die in a fuckin’ fire 🔥

or… you could SAY SOMETHING guys…

If you allow outrageous, unacceptable behavior to go unchecked, then you’re complicit in whatever comes next…

(if Trump, the-man-not-the-brand, has taught us anything, he’s taught us THAT, for fuck’s sake… also, that the size of a man’s hands must undoubtedly lead to other, less visible anatomical anomalies… although who knows given his current Twitter Twattle )

…signed 8×10 dick selfies & Trumpian Ethics are just the beginning folks…

WAKE UP

Guest Post: 14 Free and Low-Cost Mental Health Resources   Leave a comment

Excellent list of resources.

CaptainAwkward.com

[Hello everyone, Captain Awkward here. I saw the list of resources for people that can’t access therapy right now that Tiffany compiled on Twitter and hired her to write it up for us as a companion to the post on how to access low-cost counseling in the US and Canada.  If you have additional resources that have helped you please feel free to share them in comments. -CA]

2017 has been quite a year to say the least. But in the midst of all the global upheaval, I’ve also noticed a trend of more people willing to talk about mental illness, and also seek out solutions for mental health care. I’ve seen a lot of conversations surrounding this topic on social media. As someone who has dealt with clinical depression for most of her life, it makes me glad to see the stigma of mental illness falling away as…

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Posted October 3, 2017 by veggiewolf in Uncategorized

The Wind Telephone   Leave a comment

Salt spray on glass
Without a caretaker enough to cover this window to another world,
This life-line to beyond and back again.

Here at the edge
Each pane is kept carefully clear inside and out so they may listen closely,
Speaking of things kept hidden inside us.

Wind meets Earth here
Touching the waters with words and emotions locked deep inside without a key,
Stored in the case of a rotary phone.

Beloved One
Tell me the things I was longing to hear from you so long ago, before now,
And I will assure you that I am well, life goes on in the same endless way as
Before.

Inspired by the kaze no denwa in Otsuchi-cho, Japan.

Posted October 3, 2017 by veggiewolf in Poetry, Storytelling, Things They Don't Tell You

Kitten!   1 comment

For lack of other content, I present Trillian, erstwhile Navigator for the Heart of Gold, sometimes companion of Zaphod Beeblebrox, bitiest of all bitey things.

 

Posted July 17, 2017 by veggiewolf in Uncategorized

Boundary Basics: What do you Need to Feel Safe?   Leave a comment

Boundaries and consent: two things that make me super happy.

Kinkopedia

boundariesEveryone needs something to feel safe.  Whether or not you’re aware of that that things is depends a lot on the experience you’ve had in the past, especially if there have been times in your life that you sense of safety (or actual safety) have been compromised.

Part of navigating the kinkoverse, it’s spaces, it’s people – and also the relationships/interactions we have with its inhabitants means figuring out our thresholds of safety and security.  What do we need to know about a person, space or activity to feel comfortable being in that space, or sharing an activity with that person.

Which can be more challenging than it sounds, especially when  you’re new to a experience – it’s pretty hard to plan for the unexpected.  Think of it like trying to get a container for an unknown quality of an unknown substance – how do you plan for that?  How would…

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Posted April 24, 2016 by veggiewolf in Uncategorized

Coming back from hiatus…   Leave a comment

…and sharing this: A Story of a Fuck-Off Fund.

Do you have one?

30 Days of Scent – Day Twenty-Five – 34 boulevard Saint Germain by Diptyque   Leave a comment

Last Tuesday (12 Jan 2016), I wore 34 boulevard Saint Germain eau de toilette by Diptyque.  It is a decant I bought from The Perfumed Court.

Fragrantica.com lists the main accords of 34 boulevard Saint Germain as woody, warm spicy, aromatic, green, floral, and balsamic.  Their description of this scent states that it was “…launched 2011 to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the house, named after the street of the first Diptyque boutique. Innovative and complex, this fragrance features a chypre “backbone” and the base of woods and balms.

Top notes: blackcurrant, green leaves, fir leaf, citruses, pink pepper, cardamom, cloves and cinnamon. Heart: rose, geranium, tuberose, iris and violet. Base: woods, resins, balsams and eucalyptus.

34 boulevard Saint Germain is part of the “34 Collection” at Diptyque, along with l’Eau du Trente-Quatre, and Olivier Pescheux created both of them.  He’s also done a number of other fragrances for Diptyque and other houses, none of which I’ve worn…and my reaction to 34 boulevard Saint Germain is not likely to push me in the direction of seeking out his other scents even though I know two scents are not a majority.

I guess I could try Eau Mage…although it’s likely I’ll be eaten by the patchouli.  Okay, maybe Opôné with its tobacco and leather with rose…

I might need to stick to simpler Diptyque scents than these, because I get the same discomfort with 34 boulevard Saint Germain that I get with l’Eau du Trente-Quatre, and I so wanted both scents to work because the descriptions feel right.  If anything, the chypre “backbone” in 34 boulevard Saint Germain should make it more interesting and complicated, but all I get is a sharpness that overcomes any of the nuances meant to exist through such a combination of notes.  I suspect that this is another scent that will be genius on the right person, and I am not that person.

Thank goodness for decants, eh?

30 Days of Scent – Day Twenty-Four – Haiku by Avon   Leave a comment

Yesterday, I wore Haiku eau de parfum spray by Avon.  It’s a full-sized bottle that I purchased three years ago when a friend of mine was working as an Avon representative.

Fragrantica.com lists the main accords of Haiku as white floral, floral, citrus, woody, and fresh.  Their description of this scent says, “Haiku will revive all your senses, with its sparkling notes of Japanese citruses, pomegranate, lily, lily of the valley, sweet and pure jasmine, warm, milky sandalwood, musk and vanilla. It was presented in 2000 and belongs to floral-green compositions.”  Avon’s website lists the notes as follows:  “TOP NOTES: yuzu, pomegranate; MID NOTES: fig, lily, muguet, jasmine; BASE NOTES: tonka bean, sandalwood, musk.”

I bought Haiku before I started writing fragrance reviews on this blog, so I relied on what I knew I liked in a scent (white floral, typically with some greenness or aldehydes in the mix) and Haiku did not disappoint.  It felt fresh and light in a way that some of my other scents didn’t and the price point was perfect for me (Avon’s fragrances tend to be on the super-affordable side).  I wore it when I wanted a break from my typical fragrances but still wanted to stay “close-to-home” scent-wise.  And then, I started branching out and trying new scents that weren’t even close to what I was used to wearing and Haiku drifted off my radar.  In fact, when I picked it up Monday morning I realized that it’s been two full years since I’ve worn it at all.

Haiku is not what I remembered it to be, but it was still enjoyable: I got lilies and yuzu with enough jasmine to mellow things out, and as the day went on the sandalwood made a faint appearance.  It didn’t last as long as I’d expected, and I picked up a chemical note initially that I’d not noticed the last time I wore it (or didn’t remember from the last time I wore it).  All in all, though, I still think Haiku is lovely, and the price point makes it worth trying, especially for those who are just getting into fragrance that is a step up from body mist.

30 Days of Scent – Day Twenty-Three – Wild Madagascar Vanilla by Bath & Body Works   Leave a comment

Today, I am wearing Wild Madagascar Vanilla “fine fragrance mist” by Bath & Body Works.  It, along with a matching sugar scrub (which doesn’t seem to exist anymore?), and a semi-matching bubble bath (Warm Vanilla Sugar), was a Christmas gift from my son.

Fragrantica.com lists the main accords of Wild Madagascar Vanilla as vanilla, fruity, white floral, sweet, and powdery.  Their description notes “…Top notes of Wild Madagascar Vanilla blend with zests of African pear, sparkling fruit zest of clementine and juicy ruby red apple. The heart introduces a blend of wild jasmine, wild gardenia, heliotrope petals and golden plumeria (frangipani), while the base is composed of Madagascar vanilla, white sandalwood and creamy musk. Wild Madagascar Vanilla was launched in 2014.

I’m leery of vanilla scents because they tend to take a turn for the weird on me, so I was worried that I’d end up not wearing Wild Madagascar Vanilla more than once.  Since I was a gift, I dutifully went upstairs on Christmas Day and used the scrub in the shower, and then sprayed myself down with the fragrance mist, figuring that if I only wore it once, I would wear it when my son was home to notice.  I was prepared to blow out my sinuses, and I was prepared to smell like an overdose of sugar-free vanilla syrup…and neither of these things happened.  What happened was something I couldn’t have foreseen: I enjoyed it.

That’s right, world: I wore a vanilla fragrance and it worked for me.  I couldn’t have been more surprised if swine everywhere had taken to the air and started buzzing my house.

There is, unsurprisingly, a lot of vanilla in Wild Madagascar Vanilla, but there’s something about how it was blended with other elements that keeps it from going badly on my skin.  The vanilla in the top notes is noticeable at first spray, but then turns into fresh apple, and after about an hour the heart comes out – plumeria and heliotrope on me (I don’t get any jasmine or gardenia).  The base notes, white sandalwood, musk, and more vanilla, don’t show up until a good six hours have gone by, and by then Wild Madagascar Vanilla is a skin-scent only and still gorgeous.  In fact, most of the compliments I’ve gotten about this scent have been toward the end of the day when I’ve been in (very) close proximity to another human being.

Then again, the people in my life seem to really enjoy vanilla and me, so I have no idea if there’s anything there or not. *wink*

I typically don’t recommend vanilla-based scents to others because I typically find them to be awful…but Wild Madagascar Vanilla isn’t awful.  So, you can find it at Bath & Body Works (either online or in one of their stores) in an 8oz spray for around $14…unless it is during one of their many many sales.  As always, though, I’d recommend trying before buying.

30 Days of Scent – Day Twenty-Two – Beyond Paradise by Estée Lauder   Leave a comment

Yesterday, I wore Beyond Paradise by Estée Lauder.  It’s a full bottle I was given for Christmas a few years back – in fact, for a year or two I considered it to be one of my signature scents.  The person who gave it to me got it from a department store, most likely at the Estée Lauder counter.

Fragrantica.com lists the main accords of Beyond Paradise as white floral, floral, citrus, fresh spicy, and green.  Their description of this scent says that it “…opens with Eden mist which gives a long lasting tropical wet effect, rare flowers (orange blossom and blue hyacinth) and fruits (Jaboticaba berry). The floral heart is a burst of exotic flowers: laelia orchid, pink honeysuckle, Japanese mahonia. The base is no less exotic, consists of Natal plum blossom, golden melaleuca, zebrano wood, ambrette seed…

The scent was created by Calice Becker in 2003, and followed up in 2004 with Beyond Paradise for Men (which I’ve not tried).  There are a few other scents in the Beyond Paradise series, none of which I’ve worn: Beyond Paradise Summer Waters for Her (2005), Beyond Paradise Blue (2006), and Beyond Paradise Summer Fun (2007).  “Summer Fun” was a limited edition, and meant to be a lighter version of the original; Estée Lauder issued lighter versions of Beautiful and Pleasures along with it.

I was actually surprised that I hadn’t reviewed Beyond Paradise before, given that I wear it quite often and I have a serious thing for Estée Lauder fragrances.  And, even given my unholy obsession with Dazzling Silver and my proclamations that it is my all-time favorite, Beyond Paradise has managed to seduce me into giving it equal wear time…and the two couldn’t be more different, in my opinion.

On me, Beyond Paradise is honeysuckle, hyacinth, and orchid, with a hint of something plum-like.  When I wear it, I’m careful to use only one spray on the back of my neck; this is a HUGE floral scent that isn’t cut with any fresh elements, or greenery (despite Fragrantica’s profile on it) and it can easily overwhelm the wearer.  In fact, I can’t imagine trying to layer it with scented lotion or any of the other “kit items” that fragrance manufacturer’s try so often to market with a perfume – that one spray on my neck that I mentioned?  It’s enough scent to linger on my clothing until laundry day.  Seriously: if you try this scent, and I think you should, use it sparingly or you’ll likely end up hating it – too much Beyond Paradise is not a good thing, in my opinion.

Estée Lauder continues to make Beyond Paradise, and in its original formulation, although the bottle shape has changed.  The new bottle is a little more ordinary than I think a scent like this deserves, and I prefer the classic bottle that I own.  A 1.7 oz eau de parfum spray can be found in the “The House of Estée Lauder” section at Estée Lauder.com, and will run you $65.