I’m a bitch (and out of spoons)   Leave a comment

I’ve written before about preferring to turn my blue emotions into red ones so I can power through them and get on with life.  I especially enjoy rage as it usually burns brightly for a bit and then dies out.

I’ve now been in a state of mostly rage for approximately 72 hours straight.

While interesting, controlling the rage is eating away at my spoon stash; today I actually asked a friend if she had any spoons to loan me.  It’s a joke of course, because spoons cannot be loaned out, but damn I need them.

I hit epic-rage-height yesterday when my brother fell apart.  I want to go to his house and slowly rip my sister-in-law into tiny pieces upon which I would jump wearing football cleats.  Metal football cleats.  With extra spikiness.

I also want to gather up the children and provide stable refuge for them while the supposed adults fucking FIX THEIR PRIORITIES.  They don’t deserve the turmoil (and when I found out Charlie was saying “Daddy didn’t come home” this morning until SIL took him upstairs to SHOW HIM that my brother was there and then Charlie got all happy and hugged him and said “Daddy!  Stay here!” when my brother is his stepfather IT BROKE MY FUCKING HEART).

*breathe in, breathe out*

People need to get their acts together; I don’t want to be responsible for the consequences.

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Posted April 12, 2012 by veggiewolf in Depression

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