Archive for August 2012

Relative Blues   7 comments

My youngest brother is one of my Depression triggers.

It sounds awful, but it’s true.  If he were some stranger on the subway, I’d yell “Fuck off!” and walk away.  If he were a work colleague, I’d deal with him through email and speak to him only when I had to.  But, he’s not.  He’s my youngest brother and, like it or not, we are biologically connected.  Even if I manage to avoid him on all but the highest of holy family occasions, I still can’t avoid him completely.

Usually, my interactions with him include some form of my playing with his (by marriage) older kids, much to their delight, some sort of snarky comment in my direction related to nothing but old childhood memories, and my leaving wherever we are, feeling like shit.  Recently, though, things were stepped up a bit.  Observe:

  • Disney World trip in 2010 – my mother and I were invited to go along on their honeymoon (brother and SIL) to help with the children.  We paid our own way, and offered to take the kids every single day of the trip, and were rebuffed.  When we got back, my brother started telling a story, in public, about my mother and I not helping at all and only wanting a Disney trip for ourselves.
  • Disney World trip in 2011 – my mother and I, along with my brother’s MIL, took the elder two children to Disney again to give my brother and SIL some time alone with the new baby.  My mother and I paid for the entire trip, split 50/50.  My brother couldn’t even take it upon himself to drive the kids to the airport to meet us and then, when we got back, made cracks about my never doing anything for the kids.
  • Swimming lessons 2012 – The elder two children were signed up for swimming lessons by my brother’s MIL.  I offered to pay her back but she refused and told me to get the next set of lessons.  I went to every lesson for two weeks (four lessons a week) with my SIL to help her out.  My brother told my mother yesterday that I owe his MIL money and that I do nothing for his kids.
  • July 4th, 2012 – I swam with the elder two children for two hours, because they (C and H) asked me to, then decided to get out of the pool.  This left my brother to watch his kids.  Over dinner, he decided to degrade me over a past relationship I had, calling it “The Shack-Up Christmas”.  There were seven people in the kitchen when he said this that were not in our immediate family, and when I asked him to stop, he kept right on going until I finished my dinner and walked away.
  • The baby is being baptized on Tuesday, August 14th.  My brother and SIL chose the godparents from their friends.  They warned my other brother ahead of time but did not call me.  I’ve decided not to attend because at every family get-together my youngest brother ends up saying or doing something that upsets me.  My brother has now decided I don’t love his kids and this will probably add more fuel to the fire.

In addition to the above:

  • My brother never calls me, nor does his wife, unless they want something from me.  I don’t mind doing things with/for them, but I really mind being a go-to person for stuff.

He won’t change.  I know that.  There’s nothing I can do to change him.  And so, I’m changing me and not putting myself in situations I can avoid.  If he wants to see me, he can fucking well change his attitude.

Posted August 10, 2012 by veggiewolf in Depression, Triggers

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