Polyable Moment   Leave a comment

I realized today that I’ve not really written anything polyamory-related since May of 2014, and while thinking about what I could write I landed face-first in a polyable moment.

What is polyable?  Well, it’s a portmanteau – polyamory + teachable = polyable.  Basically, something happened today that made me go, “Aha!  This is what it’s all about.  I can use this as an example of how polyamory works.”  After all, once someone learns I am polyamorous, the questions start: who, what, where, when, how?  WHY????  I don’t mind the questions – hell, I’ll talk about anything if asked to, and human behavior is right up there as one of my favorite topics, along with sex and religion.  Oh, and my cats.

So, who?  Well, right now my only partner is my husband.  The post I linked above explains the break I had with my other main partner, and I’ve not really been up for hitting the dating market (I know I’ve mentioned before that DATING SUCKS MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF ASS.)  I don’t tend to count my platonic relationships as part of my polyamory; I know some people do, but it’s a case of YPINMPBYPIOK (your-poly-is-not-my-poly-but-your-poly-is-ok.)  If I did, I’d be close to maxing out the color choices in my Google calendar.  So, at some point I’ll end up hitting OK Cupid again and steeling myself to meet people unless a potential partner just falls into my lap while I’m playing Dragon Age: Inquisition.

*looks up at the ceiling hopefully*

What?  I define my version of polyamory really well in this post from 2012, so I don’t think I necessarily need to do it all over again…unless someone wants to see it here?  Let me know.

Where?  Everywhere.  I’m polyamorous everywhere.  I may not speak about it in all venues (over dinner with the parents and the aunt who is a minister?  Ummm, no.), but I am polyamorous.  I can behave otherwise, for a while, but the truth will out.  For the other version of the where question…also everywhere.  *winks*

When?  All the time.  See my answer to Where.  More practically, when my schedule permits.

How?  Well, if you’re talking definitions again, see my 2012 post linked above.  If you’re not, here’s where the polyable moment comes in: I communicate.  I tell people what they need to know even if I’m afraid they don’t want to hear it.  Especially if I’m afraid they don’t want to hear it; if I’ve angst over saying something, it is probably something that needs to be said.  So, earlier, my husband told me something via IM and I communicated back.  I told him how I felt about what he was saying, and how I felt about him, and how I want to move forward with bringing more people into my life.  We communicated, and it was profound like so many of our conversations are – we were so on the same wavelength that I felt we were vibrating on the same frequency.

The thing is, my husband’s polyamory only matches mine where we intersect with each other.  It works differently for him – he’s more emotionally open and more welcoming of romantic love, and I am, well, like I said, go read my definition.  I’ve broken off relationships when emotional connections have grown in directions I couldn’t handle, and when I can’t give people what they want/need from me (two in the past few years, actually).  My husband is completely different than me when it comes to love…and I love him so much for that, and want him to be happy.  So, I communicate so he knows where I am.  He communicates so I know where he is.  We communicate, and it is awe-inspiring to me.  Today’s communication, simple as it was, was polyable – I’ll be able to refer to it as an example of how my polyamory works and it just might give people some more insight.

Finally, why?  Why do I do this or, as people have asked, why would I choose this, or just why, for gods’ sakes why???

I could be flip and say why not, but the truth is that other relationship styles haven’t worked for me and this one does.   Monogamy didn’t work for me; polyamory and non-monogamy do.  I’m fortunate that I get to have the relationships I want, in the manner I want, without compromise, and I see no reason not to do so.

Thoughts?  Questions?  Good polyable moments?  I’d love to hear them!

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Posted January 8, 2015 by veggiewolf in Polyamory, Terminology

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