Archive for the ‘Things They Don’t Tell You’ Tag

Coming back from hiatus…   Leave a comment

…and sharing this: A Story of a Fuck-Off Fund.

Do you have one?

Things They Don’t Tell You – 1   Leave a comment

I’ve come to realize that some of my…behaviors are not at all atypical for someone running around with my particular brain.  That is to say, it appears that some of the things I do might also be done by others who have a cognitive and/or chemical make-up within their skull that not unlike my own.

Last night, after stowing one of my carry-on pieces of luggage in an overhead bin six rows behind where I was actually sitting (full flight to the Midwest for work) I had to climb over my seatmate to reach my window seat since he didn’t want to stand in the aisle.  On my way over him, heavy laptop bag in hand, my right knee twisted and buckled and, as I went down REALLY low, I heard a distinct POP!

Two-and-a-half hours later, when leaving the plane, I noticed that my knee felt tender, and that I was having some twinges of something almost entirely unlike normal routine leg feelings.  It got steadily worse overnight and by the time I left my hotel this morning to drive to the meeting that made me fly out here in the first place, I was having trouble putting my full weight on it.  By afternoon, my walking speed was curtailed significantly, and I started the process of finding a workman’s compensation physician who can see me before the end of the week.  Because, you see, I fly home on Friday morning, and then turn around and fly out again on Sunday.  To Europe.  Returning on Hallowe’en.

I also sent an email to my husband about my emotional state.

When I got back to my hotel this evening, I was in so much pain that I was holding back tears and I proceeded to call my husband and cry at him over the phone.  And, he soothed me as best as he could, being 1100 miles from me, and told me that the world was not ending.  Because, of course, as the day went on, I was convinced it was.  THE WORLD IS ENDING.  EVERYTHING IS NOT AWESOME AND SHUT UP EMMET.

And then I talked to a couple of friends, and one of them happened to mention that catastrophizing while in pain is a Thing.

Now, I walk around (or lie around) in pain quite a bit.  I have chronic sinus issues that mean I am rarely without some sort of cranial-facial pain.  I tweaked my back a few years ago, so I am often in some kind of back-stiffness-nervy-pain-type thing.  I live with these things, and they’ve become typical for me, and so they have little to no impact on my daily life other than perhaps needing to move a bit differently or take NSAIDs and/or decongestants.

But my knee is KILLING me, and for the first time I am being smacked in the face with the fact that pain can cause other things in my life to run amok.

My friends who live with chronic pain are probably now thinking that it is about fucking time I realized this.  But, the thing is, I did realize it before now…for them.  What I’m just realizing is that this is also a Thing for me.  This strange pain that I was in no way prepared for caused a domino effect and everything came crashing down around me.  Little things that would have been just irritants got blown all out of proportion.  I was tearing up at the drop of a hat.  I was exceptionally sad and crying.  And, if I hadn’t gone into chat and spoken to my friend I would never have known that this happens.

I imagine that pain specialists (who I highly recommend, btw) talk to their patients about this phenomenon all the time, but I’ve never had a medical professional (nor any other professional) tell me that pain can cause emotional turmoil.  And now I wonder if people are really aware of this as a Thing, and of course I’m going to have to go look up studies and other nonsense.  But I’m putting this revelation in the category of “Things They Don’t Tell You”, and I’m sure I’ll have more of them to write about.

(Incidentally, my tears have stopped and I feel fine now.  Identification, it is also a Thing.)